Saturday, November 17, 2012

Top 10 DLC Characters I Want to See in PSASBR

Well, PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale (aka Pizzabeer to the Adamant Ditto crew) is coming out this upcoming Tuesday, and as you might know, I'm really excited for it. I think the developers has put a lot of love into the game and has made it different enough  from Smash for it to stand on its own gameplay wise. At launch, the character roster is honestly kind of butt but they recently announced two DLC characters, Kat and Emmet, so there's still a good chance that a character people are clamoring for can show up. So, here's 10 of my most wanted characters that I'd like to see playable in Pizzabeer.

10. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider, Square Enix - Eidos) - Lara Croft should be a no brainer. One of the gaming industry's most iconic characters for being characterized as athletic and voluptuous. Of course, there's the rather successful movie and its detonating sequel where she was portrayed by Angelina Jolie. Both were terrible movies that were rightfully criticized but you can't deny the first one made, not only Angelina Jolie popular but, the Tomb Raider franchise a household name as well. I've never played any of the Tomb Raider games personally. Can't say I cared for raiding tombs or exaggerated polygon breasts that could poke your eyes out. Still, a lot of people still seem to care about this character. That's why they're rebooting the series isn't it? 

9. Wander (Shadow of the Colossus, Sony - Team ICO) - Wander is pretty much like Link. Link's cool.  They both wear green. They both have swords. They both have bows. They both save bitches. They both have horses. They both fight huge bosses with glaring weaknesses. Including Wander to be like their Link would go against what seems like their shtick for the game (not being like Smash) but the game Wander is from is just so damn cool. There needs to be some sort of Team ICO representation. I'd love for a stage where you're ON a Colossus. If I was allowed to have a character from a Team ICO game and I had to choose between the horned kid from ICO or motherfuckin' Wander, I'd choose Wander. He's got a sword and he fucks up monsters the size of buildings. Obvious choice here, guys.

8. Abe (Oddworld, Oddworld Inhabitants) - The man, the myth, the legend. In this day and age, Abe isn't really the most relevant character anymore. I hear he's remotely popular in Europe still but, he hasn't had a big game in recent years. They're supposedly coming out with a remake of the original and there has been some screenshots but it's taking a while and I haven't heard much buzz surrounding it so I wouldn't be surprised if it was cancelled. When I was younger, I loved playing Oddworld: Abe's Exodus. How could I not love a game where the X button (the primary button used for selection in most PlayStation games) was dedicated to making Abe fart? That game really made you think about how to get around obstacles, instant death inducing enemies, and saving fellow Mudokans. I think some people might say the original Oddworld games are like Eric Chahi's Another World. I spent a lot of time, abusing quicksaves, because it was pretty damn hard. The first game was even more hard because it didn't have that quicksave feature. Still, they were great games with an engaging story. You really feel for Abe and his people. They make you feel a part of Oddworld. Abe is such a loveable and goofy yet powerful dude. His design is very unique. Abe doesn't really fight on his own so his moves can be similar to Sackboy's where he fights other people indirectly. He has the ability to mind control his enemies after chanting for a short period so perhaps he can summon a Scrab to knock away foes. A big part of the Oddworld games is the ability to talk to NPCs which allows Abe to issue commands such as "Follow me" or "Stop". It might be hard and complicated but it might be interesting to have it to where the O button is used for summoning various types of creatures which he'll be able to control using commands mapped to Δ and a direction and then □ could be used for some direct attacks like slapping or farting. Abe would be a great addition to the classic lineup of characters as it will also shed some light on the series as a whole once again.

7. Carl "CJ" Johnson (Grand Theft Auto, Rockstar Games) - The game CJ comes from, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, is literally the largest selling game on the PlayStation 2. Grand Theft Auto 3 was originally released on the PS2 and it changed the industry with its open world sandbox gameplay. I'd say the series is pretty damn important to PlayStation history. Even though Vice City is my personal favorite, I'd go with CJ because he's the most popular, real og, and hardcore gangsta shit. Plus he's black. The closest thing Pizzabeer has to a black dude is Kratos's alternate color. Speaking of Kratos, I've always wondered why HotCoffee got ESRB's panties in a knot. How is Kratos allowed to ravage holy skanks while CJ can't fuck bitches? Sure, in the entire God of War series, the camera pans away while you do a bunch of QTEs. Whereas in San Andreas, it's full frontal nudity, intercourse, and mini-game but you have to use third party cheating software to even access Hot Coffee. Whatever. Hot Coffee should be CJ's level 3 super. I suppose his other moves could come from his assortment of firearms, hand-to-hand combat, melee weapons, spray painting, jetpack, Grove Street Families, and bicycle.
As a side note before you tell me CJ is too explicit for this game, the way the game is being advertised makes you think the title characters are Kratos and Sweet Tooth because they are always in the middle or fighting each other in promotional art. That's ironic because SuperBot is clearly trying to appeal to everyone which means their target audience includes children. I can just imagine little Jimmy looking at the character select screen and being excited to play as their favorite serial killer from their favorite murder simulator given to him by his parents. CJ doesn't sound so outlandish for being from an M rated game now does it?

6. Sora (Kingdom Hearts, Square Enix) - What can I say? Adamant Ditto loves Kingdom Hearts. It's a series that spans across multiple systems but originated on the PS2. I was hoping he'd make it into Brawl during Japan Time. He wouldn't be my first pick as a Square Enix representative if third party companies were only allotted one character but I wouldn't be bothered if he showed up here. For a character who is the star of a crossover game, it's surprising that Sora has never been in any other crossover. Sora has such a wide array of stylish moves to pull from like Ragnarok or Zantetsuken. It'd be very easy to make a character that's fun, looks cool, and plays like the games that he's from. Considering a handful of characters in Pizzabeer come from third person action games with double jumps and aerial combos, I'd say Sora fits right in.

5. Snake (Metal Gear, Konami) - Let me first start off by saying that even though Raiden is in the game, I feel like Snake has a decent chance of being a playable character. Let's consider a few factors:
  • Snake is in everything ever because Hideo Kojima is so baller and gets whatever he wants.
  •  If Pizzabeer can have two Infamous representatives  (both of which are Cole), then I'm pretty sure Konami should be allowed to have both Snake and Raiden.
  • David Hayter, the voice of Snake, has commented about doing voice work for Pizzabeer although he might just end up as a "minion" for Raiden and make quite a few people angry.
  • Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance is meant to be its own series even though it's a spin off hence the name no longer being Metal Gear Solid: Rising.
  • I love Raiden and I think he's cool but he's just not as badass as motherfuckin' Snake.
  • Also, Raiden is obviously an advertisement for an upcoming game like Dante is.
  • The bottom line is, Metal Gear Solid is a huge deal in PlayStation history and the main character is Snake, the epitome of manliness.  Having Raiden without Snake is like having Falco without Fox. 
I didn't get into the Metal Gear Solid series until very recently but ever since I played the original PlayStation game, the series instantly became one of my favorites. It's a classic that will still hold up for years to come thanks to its cinematic storytelling and unique gameplay that pushed the video game medium forward. The controls are a little dated but they work just fine.  For those of you who aren't familiar with the series, there is more than one Snake. Snake is just part of a codename that just so happens to be given to everyone related to Naked Snake aka Big Boss. "Hold on, so which Snake?" you might ask. All of them. Even Liquid and Solidus. Because why the hell not? Pizzabeer will have alternate costumes so it's entirely possible. The way it's handled in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Snake's design was a hybrid of Solid Snake and Naked Snake to appease fans of both but now there's Old Snake and Big Boss's Peace Walker attire that also shows up in the recently revealed Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes. So maybe, make the main one Big Boss and every other Snake as an alternate. Since I brought up Brawl, I should mention that even though I think Snake is really fun, I'd prefer him to have a different moveset on principle of just being different for the sake of setting Pizzabeer apart from Smash. With Brawl, Snake intentionally didn't have any guns and his moves revolved more around explosives to fit in with the rest of the cast more. However, with existing characters like Radec using sniper rifles in Pizzabeer, giving firearms to Snake wouldn't be out of place.

4. Lightning... I mean Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy, Square Enix)- Final Fantasy VII is one of the most influential RPGs ever made. Love it or hate it, Final Fantasy VII put PlayStation on the map. There's no denying it. That makes Final Fantasy a huge part of PlayStation history. The lead character practically defined the anime stereotype. He has spiky hair, large sword, looks like a girl, is skinny, and acts angsty. Cloud's got plenty of moves to work from so that's not a problem. His supers could obviously be based on his Limit Breaks. Just imagine... His Level 1 could be Braver, simple move where he jumps up and comes slashing down. His Level 2 could have him perform Omnislash on everyone in a small range whilst rendering Cloud fully invincible. His Level 3 wouldn't be a limit break but he'd summon Knights of the Round and for the next 15 minutes you force everyone to watch the cutscene until they all die. Cloud needs to be in Pizzabeer... but I just know Square Enix would instead shove Lightning down everyone's throats.

Also, the default and main version of Cloud should be him in his original purple SOLDIER outfit. Not that Advent Children garbage. That can be an alternate costume like it is in Dissidia.

3. Spyro (Spyro, Activision) - Ah yes, Spyro. Second to one other mysterious mascot. Personally, he was my favorite back in the day. I just enjoyed the series's games more than the rival's series. Total collect-a-thon, sure. Still, great games. Even though he's a pipsqueak compared to his brethren, Spyro is a motherfuckin' firebreathin' dragon. These days, he's looking mighty mutated in the toy-commercial-disguised as-a-video-game known by your children as Skylanders. Yeah, that's not the one I give a damn about but hey, at least Spyro is still relevant. That's more than some of these other guys can say. It would be nice to play as a character that was formerly a fundamental part of the PlayStation brand even if he's a bug-eyed freak now.

2. Crash Bandicoot (Crash Bandicoot, Activision) - "What?! CRASH BANDICOOT AT NUMBER 2?! THEN WHO IS NUMBER 1?!" Don't worry, we'll get there. But first, Crash Bandicoot. Activision worked a money making miracle when they came out with Skylanders for Spyro but poor Crash hasn't really been in anything since 2007. His character design was butchered and his games have been abysmal after Crash Team Racing. Ricky will tell you Crash of the Titans was the last good one but I can't really back that up. Besides that garbage, putting Crash in Pizzabeer only makes sense. Crash is only like the original PlayStation's mascot. He was in Pizza Hut Commercials, man. I honestly, can't really say anything more about Crash that isn't already understood by the general populace.

Activision are such scumbags so I doubt they'd allow for Sony to use either Spyro or Crash but one could  still hope.

1. Tomba aka Tombi in Europe (Whoopee Camp...? MonkeyPaw games? I don't even know if this is Sony's IP anymore.) - Who? Yeah. This guy is more irrelevant today than Crash. Tomba fits the bill as the surprise character nobody remembers or is expecting among the likes of Ness, Mr. Game & Watch, and R.O.B in the Smash Bros. series. It would make my day to be able to play as the unsung hero of two cult sidescrolling adventure games. Tomba's design is simple yet awesome. He's a savage with spiky and pink hair. His default attire is nothing but shorts. His weapons include a blackjack (a spiky ball on chain), boomerangs, grappling hook, hammers, magic, and his bite. We never got a sequel after the cliffhanger ending in Tomba 2 mainly because the company behind the games, Whoopee Camp, was dissolved. The series died before the move to the PS2. It was only until recently that another company by the name of Monkey Paw Games decided to bring Tomba back by getting the original PSOne game as a Classic title available for download on PSN. Like Crash Bandicoot, being in this game could bring Tomba back to relevance by introducing him to a new generation of players, similar to how Pit was able to get a new Kid Icarus game. That's honestly what I really want... just for Tomba to be a thing again. He really deserves it.

So there you have it, my top 10 characters I'd like to see playable in PlayStation All Stars Battle Royale. I originally had ordered by which characters were least deserving to most on principle but I realized that this was my personal list. I absolutely factor it into my opinion but what it comes down to is how strongly I feel about the character. One thing I'd really like to mention is, it's not really about who is in the game. It's how the characters in the game are played that matters. I don't think a lot of people really understand that. Sure there are two Coles, but they are different enough from each other in how they play that they warrant two separate characters. So even though your most wanted and favorite character isn't apart of the cast, that doesn't mean you still can't have fun with the game. 

Give the game a try. You might be surprised that you'll actually end up liking a random character based on just how they play. Even though I had no idea who Radec is (like many other people), I found his projectile spamming play style to be very fun. It's kind of like Tatsunoko vs. Capcom in a sense. Nobody cared about half the cast but guys like Gold Lightan, Casshern, and Tekkaman Blade became favorites.
Here are some honorable mentions: Kevin Butler, Dead Space's Isaac Clarke, Mirror's Edge's Faith, Ninja Gaiden's Ryu Hayabusa, Assassin's Creed's Ezio, Dark Cloud 2's Max and Monica, Syphon Filter's Gabe Logan, Disgaea's Prinny.

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